Cometary Tales Blog The Importance of Making Connections

The Importance of Making Connections

I have lots of writer friends who cling to the old-fashioned notion of the lonely author toiling away in solitude, until emerging with their masterpiece ready to be snapped up by publishers. They know it’s not real. It’s never been real, but the myth has a certain romance to it. As a great bonus, it puts off into the far future that moment when you discover if your work has meaning to anyone other than yourself.

The one compromise they’ll take is to join a critique circle … more on those in a post I’m still working on. That way, you still have the comfort of an insular environment, listening to just a few voices who don’t actually have power over your publication chances. It feels safe, even when the feedback isn’t always “wow, that’s fantastic!”

Yet, as I’ve learned the hard way, and as publishing pros will tell you if you but listen, the journey to publishing that precious work (and all that follows) begins while you’re still writing. If you’re thinking of making even a part-time extra-gig career of being a writer, you need to approach it as a pro, and seek out the society of others in that endeavor. Sanity check? As an engineer in the power industry, I’m a senior member of the IEEE, our professional organization. It keeps me connected to advances in my field. Don’t you want that for your writing career?

Here are the key groups I’ve joined to network with other writers, learn new skills, and build a better platform for this career: the California Writers Club (and I assure you that wherever you are, there is a similar organization), the Women’s National Book Association, and the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers Association.

The California Writers Club is a grand old organization, claiming Jack London as an early connection. The South Bay Writers branch is a friendly supportive group for writers at all levels and in all genres, including poetry. Quite a few poets, actually, who connect each other with poetry-focused events in the area.  The group hosts regular sociable (in person) meetings with a speaker and gets together for summer and winter celebrations. If you’ve followed me before, you’ll know we also sponsor twice-monthly online open mics, informal (not competitive) which also attract writers who can’t make it to meetings. At our last open mic, we met two new poets in the area (who didn’t know each other before but turned out to have a connection in their non-writing careers) and then we had a fun surprise, as one of our regulars was attending from his birthday celebration and shared not only a work-in-progress appropriate to Halloween but also the ceremonial candle-blowing-out portion of the party. Alas, he could not figure out how to send us slices on Zoom.

Birthday lit with last candle being lit, with candles that spell "Happy Birthday"
Nothing like friends when you need to celebrate

If you haven’t been a part of a professional organization before, keep in mind that in this context “social” has two elements: making friends (don’t we all need friends?) and networking (making friends who mutually help out each other careerwise). I’ve gained in both senses from being a part of this group, including making contacts beyond the group, as friends introduce me to other friends in the broader writing community. As is usual for CWC, all meetings are open to nonmembers, and usually attendance is free for a newbie, so anyone can visit and form their own impressions.

There are several CWC branches in my area, and they all welcome members of other branches, which is great for catching speakers you want to hear or just getting some variety in your mix of connections. Like others I kow, I’ve joined a second branch, the one based on the San Francisco Peninsula. It’s not convenient for me to attend most meetings, because they’re held an hour’s drive away, but that particular branch happens to have a higher concentration of sci-fi/fantasy writers, some of whom I’d met through online open mics. Now, I run that chapter’s online open mic and I’m leading the members-only anthology project. If I hadn’t joined this club, it might have been years (or never) before I’d had an opportunity to first assist an experienced anthology editor and then take the helm for the next edition.

Another resource I strongly recommend is the Women’s National Book Association, which has chapters all around the country and offers many online ways to interact and learn. This organization is all about supporting women and underrepresented authors as they work to professional goals; and no, you don’t need to be a woman to join or to attend events. The San Francisco chapter has a great cast of characters, including poets, nonfiction writers, novelists, short-story authors, agents, and local small publishers. Some members are involved with the annual San Francisco Writers Conference. Both the local and national organizations offer online programs as well as some in person events. During covid, this is one organization that took to heart the lessons we all learned about how effective the online environment can be to bring together those who can’t access distant in-person events.  For instance, they converted their formerly hard-to-access annual pitching workshop event to an online program, and chose to keep it that way.

Finally, with some effort, I’ve managed to qualify for membership in my genre’s professional organization, SFWA. They do require a certain amount of sales, and I work with a small publisher who likes my slightly off-the-beaten-trail work, so I was lucky there. However, even before I qualified for membership, I volunteered as a tech for the annual conference (when it was online) and have learned that I’m good at contributing on that end (the engineering degree did help a bit, there), which meant I could eventually earn my way to attend the annual writing conference, which otherwise would be outside my means. That’s another trick I’d learned from engineering conferences, where volunteering got me into events I couldn’t otherwise have attended. SFWA offers a lot of support, cameraderie, and networking connections to members. Not to mention the chance to hobnob with some of my SFF heroes and meet in person writers and techies I’d only been able to meet through Discord or on a Zoom call.

This essay started as an email to a new friend, a poet working on her MFA who was looking for connections in this area and reached out through our open-mic signup form. She’s taking a strong route, creatively seeking to build bridges early in her career. You, too, can look for the connections that will help you grow as a professional. Hey, if you’re not (or not only) a writer, but an engineer or an Amazon tech or a scientist or whatever, remember to connect with organizations that bring together others in your field for mutual benefit. (Yes, of course that includes unions.) Trust me, even if you’re an introvert like me, taking that step works to draw you out of your isolation and enliven your life and empower your career.

You might also like to read:

Conventioning previewConventioning preview

I’m findable at online readings, conventions, and open mics and available for more at the drop of a … microphone. (See my Appearances page!) Here’s what I’ve been squee-ing about lately. Yes, I know, Octocon’s over, but I can’t resist sharing this cute view with Octo in their Wonder Woman outfit. In my Twitter feed this week, I’m sharing links to the videos of my panels, which are all live on Twitch right now and will be on YouTube forever … or until people get tired of them.

In December, I’ll be (virtually) on-site at the World Science Fiction Convention, DisCon III. I’ll be roving the virtual halls and hanging out in the dealers room. Water Dragon Publishing is planning lots of special activities there, like we had at Readercon in August! See you there!

Octocon is Coming!

On October 1-3rd, I’ll be part of the the Irish National Science Fiction Convention, Octocon. It’s free, online, and international! The programme has just been finalized. I’m moderating two panels, participating in another, and will also be taking part in a Very Silly Event. Click the super-secret button below to find my panels—and connect to the full programme.

A cute pink-and-red cartoon octopus is cosplaying as Wonder Woman while twirling her golden lasso of truth. Text: Octocon The national irish science fiction convention.

Rain(man), Rain(man), Go AwayRain(man), Rain(man), Go Away

This isn’t so much a blog post as a paper. There are footnotes and citations. Bear with me.

Have you had this experience? Someone in a group discussion notes that April is Autism Awareness Month. Then someone else says, “Oh, remember Rain Man? I watched it again recently! Isn’t that a great movie?” And then everyone has a lovely chat about movies. Unfortunately, this kind of response is what gamers call an Epic Fail. Let’s walk into April with some better awareness.[1]

So, what is autism? What isn’t it?


Photo Credit: Nina from Australia, Rain, Rain, Go Away (CC BY 2.0) via Wikimedia Commons

What it is

Autism is a set of neurological characteristics found in as many as 1 in 50 people [2,3] that can lead to difficulties with social interactions, repetitive behaviors, or intense engagement in special interests. Not necessarily all these things. (So, you know 100 people? Well, you likely know a couple of autistic people.)

Nobody knows what “causes” [4] autism, although probably there are combinations of genes that are more likely to yield autistic characteristics. (It may run in families, like other polygenic characteristics, such as height.) Autism presents on a spectrum, so its current designation is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)…though many autistic people will counter, “there’s nothing disordered about me!”

What it isn’t

Autism has absolutely nothing to do with vaccines—that absurd idea was generated by publication of fraudulent research, a real-world hoax that has harmed untold numbers of people [5,6,7]

Autism is not Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman did his best, and the film made a positive difference at the time, but that was over thirty years ago. The movie is now woefully out of date, and most autistic people find it discomfiting, stereotyping autism, families of autistics, and the way the world perceives them.

Autism is not sociopathy/psychopathy/other-mispercepathy. The number of mysteries or thrillers or police procedurals in which the murderer/terrorist/stalker is a shifty-eyed, unempathetic, twitchy weirdo whose speech patterns and movements and sometimes specific labelling code them as “autistic” make my hair curl. No, the autistic people of the world are not spying on you, plotting the perfect murder, or designing weapons of terror. Instead, as a class, they are the kindest people you know.

Autism is not the strange child. The vast majority of autistics are adults. Autism doesn’t go away when you grow up. Why don’t you notice? Those whose difficulties with the world are great still live in relative isolation. As for the rest, they’re “masking.” This isn’t a lighthearted improv exercise. It is a progressive modification of behavior—often unconscious, in ways learned over many years—to appear more like you, because they’re pretty sure you won’t accept them otherwise. (So, maybe this should be Autism Acceptance Month.)

Masking isn’t perfect; you probably think of your autistic friends as ‘the little-bit odd one’ or the ‘cute, quirky one.’ You may not see them around as much as your other friends—because keeping up masking is hard work. The older an autistic person is, the better they can be at masking—but then, it’s harder for them to change that. Also, be aware that if you realize a friend is autistic, it doesn’t help to tell them to stop masking. It’s a difficult process, and they’ll let you know when they’re ready.

Photo Credit: Dietmar Rabbich (CC BY 4.0) via Wikimedia Commons

Unfortunately, old movies like Rain Man leave the impression that all autistic people are weird geniuses, can’t take care of themselves, and suffer extreme difficulties with life. Yes, some are in that boat (and a rare few are even geniuses). It’s important to be sure everyone’s properly supported in life—can we simply agree to support autistic people with needs just as we support neurotypical (NT) people with serious life issues?

A few thoughts to keep in mind, no matter what type of neurons you’re thinking with:

Autistic people are, as a group, extremely honest. This presents complications—because most autistic people don’t react in conversation in quite the exact way that neurotypicals expect. For instance, if someone doesn’t look you in the eye all the time—a favorite behavior of NT’s—they’re perceived as “dishonest”. That’s unfortunate…which is why ambitious autistic adults work hard to make eye contact, even though it may be enormously stressful to do so.

Autistic people are empathetic—and have all the same emotions you do. They may express their emotions a little differently, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have the exact same feelings you experience. Your autistic friends may even be more likely to notice how you’re feeling and to empathize with you, because they are observing you and working to figure you out, all the time. So they’re not just in possession of that deep, humanizing characteristic, they’re actively working at it, every day.

This doesn’t mean that autistic people are all perfect, wonderful, nice, diligent, hardworking, or what-have-you and are somehow better than neurotypical people. Everyone has shortcomings—and autistics don’t need to become the next perfectionist minority. It’s just that the stereotypes (weird, twitchy, untrustworthy) are contradictory.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably part of the reading/writing community. Here’s another thought for you.

Well. Ummmm. YOU might be autistic. Nobody wants to think of themselves as “different,” but writers—whether they’ve gone the publishing route or not—draw heavily from a well of “difference.” Lots of us grew up feeling like we were “on the fringe” or “the odd one out.” We dive deep into the special interests that drive our work. We can go on and on and on about a character or a situation or a plot point—whether in a story we wrote or in one of our favorites. Heck, some of us can sit down and hammer out 50,000, 100,000, a million words. That’s hardly what nonwriters would call “typical.”

If you’ve secretly, quietly wondered if there’s something you don’t know about yourself that maybe you should, here is one easily-accessible book to read: Cynthia Kim’s Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate is a clever, affecting story of one woman’s journey of self-discovery. Some terminology it uses, unfortunately, became outdated the year after publication, with the elimination (for very good reasons) of the problematic term Asperger’s [8,9], but the self-realization content still holds up.

A cautionary note: take with gigantic doses of salt anything coming from the group Autism Speaks. They will be rather shouty during April and their old puzzle-piece logo will be cropping up all over, but this group is widely derided by autistic people as not speaking for them and, worse, actively spreading misperceptions about autism [10] and promoting [11] the application of abusive ‘therapy’ [12].  Many autistic people therefore consider Autism Speaks to be a hate group [13], but even without that label, their role in the politics of disability is subject to serious question [14].

Ready to raise awareness a little (or a lot) more?

Below are a couple of helpful, easy-to-access resources. You can find deeper reading by continuing to the Notes and Citations section.

Ask Autistic Adults is my current favorite website for quickly-accessed on-point information on what grown-up autistic people feel you should know:  labels, appropriate language, effective support, fake/abusive “therapies,” and more.

The Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism is a web-based organization that provides a broad array of resources and connections to useful information for autistic people and their allies.

To catch up on the current zeitgeist in the autistic community, try the hashtag #actuallyautistic. To some extent, outsiders have tried to co-opt it, but the hashtag has withstood that pretty well so far.

Now, have a very happy Autism Awareness Month, everybody!

Below the blue umbrella: Notes and Citations

A bright blue umbrella floats upside-down

Photo Credit: Tom Mrazek, An Umbrella In the Dark, (CC BY 2.0) via Wikimedia Commons

Yes, lots of notes and cites. Because a blog post needs to be brief, but the topic is complex!

  1. No one person speaks for all people in any marginalized group. I make no claims that my perspective, or those of the autistic individuals I’ve cited here, is more worthy than that of any other member of the broadly-defined autism community. This essay cannot be perfect, but I will update it as necessary, and I welcome honest, fact-based critique.
  2. “U.S. Autism Rates Up 10 Percent in New CDC Report” Bloomberg School of Health. Johns Hopkins. 26 March 2020. (Accessed 29 March 2022) https://publichealth.jhu.edu/2020/us-autism-rates-up-10-percent-in-new-cdc-report#:~:text=Researchers%20at%20the%20Johns%20Hopkins,2016%20(or%201.85%20percent).
  3. “Rising rates” of autism do not reflect changes in the incidence of autism; rather, reports like the Johns Hopkins article reflect how wider application of diagnosis reveals that more people are autistic than was thought previously. This article in particular highlights a progression over time, as researchers began attending to this data and improving their diagnostic techniques. I linked to this article because it is quite readable and provides links to the academic papers and data, for those who are interested. The choice of a headline in a public-facing news presentation can be misleading—remember to read more than headlines.
  4. Autistic people, by and large, dislike using “cause” to describe the mechanisms underlying autism. It makes it sound like a disease, something you can “cure,” and that detracts from attending to what can truly help autistic people thrive in a largely non-autistic society, understanding what “therapies” are harmful bunk, and listening to what autistics think. However, it’s the term that’s easiest for a casual reader follow in the context of a (supposedly) brief article like this one. As a reminder, this is a note to a sentence stating clearly that the mechanics are still unknown.
  5. “Wakefield’s article linking MMR vaccine and autism was fraudulent” British Medical Journal (BMJ). 6 January 2011. BMJ 2011;342:c7452. https://www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.c7452
  6. Wakefield’s horrific piece of hoaxery was published in the Lancet in January of 1998, and its awful effects have flowed into every corner of our medical landscape—even influencing vaccine resistance during the current pandemic. By the time the journal retracted the piece, the damage was done and the evil thought-virus of ‘vaccines are scary’ had spread too far to eradicate it.
  7. Eggerston, Laura. “Lancet retracts 12-year-old article linking autism to MMR vaccines” Canadian Medical Association Journal (CMAJ). 9 March 2010. Accessed via National Institutes of Health, 29 March 2022. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2831678/
  8. Hans Asperger, the man after whom the so-called “high-functioning” side of the autism spectrum was (temporarily) named, is now known to have been a eugenicist, Nazi-assisting child-hurter, and all-around guy-you-wouldn’t-invite-round-to-dinner. The article below [9] is an accessible read and includes references.
  9. Juntti, Melaina. “It’s Time to Stop Calling Autism ‘Asperger’s’” Fatherly. 9 December 2021. https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/aspergers-vs-autism-and-hans-asperger/
  10. Lutterman, Sara. “The biggest autism advocacy group is still failing too many autistic people” Washington Post. 14 February 2020. https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2020/02/14/biggest-autism-advocacy-group-is-still-failing-too-many-autistic-people/
  11. I’m not going to glorify this page with a detailed citation. This cite is here to prove that the organization supports this kind of treatment. https://www.autismspeaks.org/applied-behavior-analysis/
  12. Ira. “Why ABA Therapy Is Harmful to Autistic People” Autistic Science Person. Accessed 29 March 2022. https://autisticscienceperson.com/why-aba-therapy-is-harmful-to-autistic-people/
  13. Sequenzia, Amy. “Is Autism Speaks a Hate Group?” Autistic Women and Nonbinary Network. 19 August 2014. https://awnnetwork.org/is-autism-speaks-a-hate-group/
  14. Ne’eman, Ari. “Autism and the Disability Community: The Politics of Neurodiversity, Causation, and Cure” 1 February 2017 (Initially presented at Emory University in 2013). Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN).  Accessed 29 March 2022. https://autisticadvocacy.org/2017/02/autism-and-the-disability-community-the-politics-of-neurodiversity-causation-and-cure/

PassagePassage

Moon & Spica

Eclipsed Moon With Spica

 

 

A few weeks ago, we had a beautiful lunar eclipse visible in North America.  It was well worth sitting out to watch the Earth’s shadow advance until the Moon was completely covered and glowing with a warm red hue, then retreat until the Moon shone bright once again.  Here is a combination of a poem written for a workshop many years back, inspired by another lunar eclipse, with a few photos from this year’s event.  Multitudes of astrophotographers caught fine images of that eclipse.  This time, my equipment on hand was my hardy little point-and-shoot Lumix, which yielded many images suitable for artistic manipulation, especially with effects added by the drifting fog that interrupted our clear view.  Mars was in view as well, so I’ll include one image with Mars.  Can you spot it?

I watch the Mother walk my night,

spreading her darkness through my shadows.

She turns to me as the night turns, and I watch, I gaze,

rapt in the music of her light.

 

2014 April 14-15 Total Lunar Eclipse
Wrapped round and full in the stillness of this, my night,

she draws in light and darkness from the sky,

and sets them in my hands and at my feet,

until the whole land is an image of sky,

until I am full, full round and whole,

wholly wrapped in the music within my darkness.

 

Fog Rainbows
She waxes as the night wanes, and I gaze, gaze,

until I dream I am a fish which has never before known water,

and now, for the first time, breathes …

until I dream I am a child who has never known her name,

and now, for the first time, dreams …

 

Artist's Impression
dreams she stands with a woman, a stranger,

in a land which bears an image of sky.

The other, the stranger, is silent beside her,

while she speaks to the mother as a favored daughter.

As she speaks, I give back through my hands

the light and darkness which is the sky

until the land rests again beneath my shadows,

until the child knows me for herself.

 

Floating in the Ether
Even as we greet and join each other,

the Mother steps over the edge of the world.

Even as the stars first claim the sky,

I breathe the mist of my first morning.

 

Bloodshed Moon

 

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